The Web offers help to would-be plumbers.
Welcome to my second-annual plumbing column. Long-time readers may recall that my first plumbing column revolved around a strained analogy between my clogged sewer line and the equally clogged bandwidth of the Internet.
This year, thanks to the Web, I no longer feel the need to hide behind scatological attempts at humor. In fact, I am so confident of my plumbing skills that I am - even as I write this column - in the midst of remodeling my bathroom. Well, actually I started out trying to fix a slow drain...
We interrupt this column to bring you an important news bulletin. Net Detours has just received unconfirmed reports of highly localized flooding in and around the region of columnist James Cook's bathroom. Stay tuned for further updates. We now return you to our regularly scheduled column.
...but these things have a way of escalating.
Right now, however, it's time for me to put down the monkey wrench, take up the modem and share with you how it's possible to go from being a plumbing wannabe to a Master Plumber with the help of the Net.
First, it's important to realize that plumbing is an art, just as writing a column about the Internet is an art. In fact, writing and plumbing have much in common. Both have a history that dates to ancient Babylon. Thus, the practitioners of both arts share the sense of belonging to a long and noble tradition. The writer, picking up his pen, knows what it's like to feel the presence of other long-dead writers such as Shakespeare and Twain. The plumber, opening a sewer line, knows what it's like to smell them.
For those with sensitive noses, theplumber.com offers the History of Plumbing, an overview of eight millennia of plumbing tradition without the smell. And while you're there...
News Update: The governor's office has just announced that the plumbing in and around the home of James Cook has been declared a disaster area. Civil Defense workers urge those in the affected area to remain calm and seek high ground. Now back to the column.
... a visit to the site's Plumbing FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) can bring you up to speed on more contemporary issues.
For specific plumbing problems such as, "The water is up to my knees, did I do something wrong?" I post my questions on the Ask the Master Plumber Bulletin Board and then begin working my way through the links on the 500 Plumbing Links page. With any luck, I find a solution before the water gets too deep.
I also recommend Toilet Repairs by the Virtual Plumber. While the site lacks the encyclopedic range of some other plumbing sites, it will take you deeper into the toilet than you ever thought possible. Alas, what I expected to be the highlight of the site, the Exploded Toilet...
Bulletin: This just in. The Net Detours newsroom has received word that the National Guard has been activated in an attempt to rescue victims of the current flooding. Stay tuned for further developments.
...turned out to be merely a drawing of our favorite fixture's working parts. But this small disappointment wasn't enough to take the site off my recommended list.
Once I get the toilet and all the other plumbing back in shape, I plan on turning to Kitchen.net's Bathroom Design Basics for tips on repairing the other damage I've done. I'll also keep a bookmark for the site's home page since a leaky faucet in the kitchen is next on my list. Of course by then...
We interrupt this column for an alert from the emergency plumbing broadcast system. Any plumbers willing to exchange their services for those of a Web site designer and columnist are instructed to access their e-mail programs and contact Net Detours. This is not a test. This is an actual alert. Please stay tuned to this column for further announcements.
Glug, glug, bubble, bubble, glug...