A historical look at the affairs of state
I had high hopes for the Internet, but I have to admit that they've faded a bit in light of the role it's played in the current White House sex scandal. Instead of an information utopia, it looks like we're headed for rumor mongering at the speed of light - or at least 28.8 kps.
Still, I haven't entirely given up hope that the Net can retake the moral high ground. So I'm taking a stand and declaring that this column is - for now and forever - a Lewinsky-free Zone.
But, before I abandon the topic, I'd like to offer a little historical perspective to those who insist that the current crisis marks some sort of moral nadir for the human race. I do this purely as an educational exercise and promise you that I take no salacious joy in exploring the sexual peccadilloes of the great men - and women - of history. To tell the truth, I'd rather be surfing the Disney site but somebody has to do this dirty job.
A lot of the current uproar seems to be coming from the religious right. Before they go overboard with the righteous indignation, perhaps they should take another look at what the Good Book has to say about the moral qualifications for leadership. Point your browser to the Bible Gateway and take a look at II Samuel Chapter 11. There you'll find the story of King David, who impregnated the wife of one of his army officers and then arranged to have the guy killed to cover it up. Talk about obstruction of justice! Naturally, God wasn't too happy about this so he sent the prophet Nathan to declare judgment. His kid died, but David got off easy on a claim of executive privilege and eventually fathered Solomon who - in spite of spending his time writing erotic poetry and threatening to cut children in half - is celebrated to this day for his great wisdom.
The heathens weren't any better. The Roman emperor Julius Caesar may have gained fame as a general but his famous dictum, "I came, I saw, I conquered," applied not only to the Gauls but also to his romantic conquests, including Cleopatra. It all proved too much for the Roman special prosecutors Cassius and Brutus who eventually took matters into their own hands and ruined the reputation of the Ides of March forever.
In more recent times, there's plenty of evidence to suggest that some of the Founding Fathers took the "pursuit of happiness" a trifle too seriously. Even today, the story that Thomas Jefferson was not only the Father of Democracy but also of several of his slave Sally Hemings' children inspires enough interest and controversy to merit an ongoing discussion at Public Broadcasting's Jefferson Online site.
And it wasn't just the Founding Fathers. Present day Republicans would probably enjoy learning that the president's friend and former partner described him as having a "terrible passion for women: he could hardly keep his hands off.'' At least they might if the president in question wasn't Abraham Lincoln as described by his law partner William Herndon. For more speculation on the original Lincoln Bedroom scandal check out Not-So-Honest Abe, the New York Times review of the recently published Lincoln bio, Honor's Voice.
In fairness, I should admit that the Democrats have outshone the Republicans when it comes to sex scandals. Even if we skip the Kennedys - a necessity given our limited space - it's hard to think of a presidential campaign that didn't feature at least one democrat caught in a compromising position. Long before the Clintons discussed Jennifer Flowers on Sixty Minutes another democrat, Grover Cleveland, publicly admitted not only to an affair but also to fathering an illegitimate child. As you can imagine, the public was so outraged they elected him to a second term.
While the Democrats might be the overall scandal leaders, it was - surprisingly - the family values friendly Republicans who, after two centuries of presidential sex, managed to put a new twist on White House trysts. At least that's the implication of Mr. Showbiz' Romantically Linked pages which tie a former ex-first lady to, among others, Frank Sinatra. If true, the allegation raises an important question, "What the heck was Frank thinking?"
And, if you're still reading this, what the heck are you thinking? With access to almost unlimited information, can't you find some better use for your online time than pursuing these prurient links?
Unfortunately, neither can I.
