Virtual roadside attractions
Wake up kids! It's time to hit the road.
Last week our virtual vacation had barely started before it was time to stop for the night. This week we're actually going to visit a few roadside attractions but first we need to fortify ourselves with a good breakfast. What better place to fill up on cyber-pancakes than the Unofficial Waffle House Page? While we're scarfing down the hash browns, we can read up on Waffle House history and trivia, cruise a directory of Waffle House locations and even apply for our own virtual franchise.
When you've had enough, pile back into the Desoto because it's time to see the sights - and sites. Just don't expect the normal tourist traps. Your navigator lives in the shadow of the World's Largest Catsup Bottle, so it takes something special to impress me.
Something special like the places featured on C. Dodd Harris IV's Tackiest Place in America Contest site. The current leader is a life-size statue of the Jolly Green Giant. In case you're wondering, life size for the giant is 60 feet. My only gripes are the site barely scratches the surface of American tackiness and the name is, well, tacky. You'd think someone with a IV after his name would realize that what we're really talking about here is folk art.
With our tastes suitably elevated and our noses in the air, we'll leave C. Dodd behind and cruise on over to Roadside Art Online, "where artistic preconceptions and ambitions don't exist". The really good stuff here is what the cultural elite - such as ourselves - refer to as "folk art environments". One of the best (?) is the Margaret's Grocery environment constructed by the Reverend H. D. Dennis. Don't miss the Ark of the Covenant.
Personally my favorite environments are those which surround food. I'm not talking about franchise burger joints, but good old-fashioned diners. There are plenty to choose from at Eat Here, a guide to road food in the 90s. With features such as Road Food Stories, Recipes and the Blue Plate Special, I can almost hear the kids asking, "are we there yet?"
After lunch we continue our highbrow touring by taking in some "outsider art". I personally can't tell the difference between outsider art, folk art and tacky, but I assume it has something to do with the annual income of the person looking at it. Fortunately for those of us who aren't yet into it, there's Intuit: The Center for Intuitive and Outsider Art. As I see it, Intuit performs the valuable public service of legitimizing bad taste. One visit to a place like Fred Smith's Fabulous Wisconsin Concrete Park and you never have to worry about your lawn ornaments again. Just tell the neighbors you're creating an "outsider art environment".
Well, even an enlightened group like my readers can only take so much culture before it's time to call it a day. A good place to stop is Motel Americana. While I check in, you can check out the lobby. Reading Stories from the Road certainly beats thumbing through year-old People magazines. You'll also want to pick up some Postcards from Americana featuring classic American motels.
