The Millenium Bug is nothing compared to these impending disasters.
The arrival of 1998 brought with it yet another series of stories about the dreaded Year 2000 Crisis. In case you've been off the planet, or in some other way managed to miss the stories, the Year 2000 Crisis is the result of the so-called Millennium Bug, a small programming oversight which makes many computers incapable of distinguishing between the year 2000 and the year 1900. As a result, at one second past midnight on January 1 of the year 2000, computers will crash, bank accounts will empty and airplanes will fall from the sky.
Or maybe not.
Personally, I think the biggest crisis we'll be facing in the year 2000 is what to do with all the unemployed Millennium programmers who suddenly discover their skills won't be needed again for at least another thousand years. Besides, that crisis is two years away. The frightening truth is, there are much more serious calendar-related crises that are already upon us.
Take for instance the Year 98 Problem, the result of a programming error in the human brain. Even in its mildest form, this bug will cost the economy millions as checks everywhere are voided because of the wrong date. Although the problem will largely disappear by the end of January, for some folks it will continue well into the year. In my own case, I'm afraid that even with the help I'm getting from the Memory Page it could be a year-long problem.
My memory problems could be the result of the Year 40 Crisis, a date-related disaster which struck me on March 18, 1994 and which continues to plague me inspite of assurances from friends and family that I would get over it when I turned 41. As of this writing, no relief is in sight although I do take twisted comfort in the fact that at least I'm not suffering from the Year 50 Crisis. I've also taken the precaution of bookmarking the AgeNet site. Not that I need it now, it's just that, by the time I do, I'll probably have forgotten where it is.
For parents like myself, I suspect that a contributing factor to the various crises of mid-life is the Year Thirteen Syndrome which affects our previously intelligent children when they reach their teenage years. Apparently the result of a raging hormonal imbalance, symptoms include bizarre grooming habits, uncontrollable - and occasionally simultaneous - urges to monopolize the telephone and bathroom, and deafness in the presence of adults. In theory the syndrome takes seven years to run its course although, to be completely honest, fifteen years seems a more realistic estimate.
In the mean time, victims can find help dealing with their condition - and their parents - on Getting Real's Tools for Life page. Parents can get help, comfort and online counseling of their own at the Parenting Teens site. With any luck, we'll all manage to live through the experience.
Which brings to mind what I consider to be the real challenge of the year 2000, surviving until it gets here.
