Five Tips for Effectively Managing Conflict in Marriage

by GuestPoster on July 13, 2010

It’s a well documented fact, that one of the biggest problems in marriage is the inability to manage conflict. Regardless of how big or small the issues are that cause conflict between spouses, if they are not able to calmly talk things through to a resolution, the problems will only get worse. With that in mind, here are five tips that will help married couples learn to better manage conflict.

1. First of all remember your manners. Yes, I realize you may be upset, but that does not give you a license to be rude. Keep your anger and frustration in check and whatever you are trying to say will be much more effective. Being rude, angry and loud is intimidating and disrespectful and will only cause your spouse to turn off or to match your mood and the situation will rapidly go down hill.

2. Keep in mind that if you are overcome with emotion, it might not be the best time to try to talk about the issue at hand. Give yourself a little while to calm down and think before you speak. Often “emotionally charged” words are not what you really want to say.

3. Learn to listen. So many times we think that what we are saying is so important that we forget to listen to what our spouse is saying. Remember, no one is always right, even you. What your husband or wife is saying may be the perfect solution to the problem, so you need to quit talking and start listening.

4. In addition to listening, you need to make sure you understand what it is your partner is saying. One way of doing this is by repeating what you think you heard them say and asking “Is this what you meant?”. This one step can clear up lots of misunderstanding.

5. Learn to compromise. Each of you must be willing to give a little to reach an agreeable solution. So many times on partner stubbornly refuses to give because they think they are right. Dr. Phil has made the saying “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” somewhat famous for a reason. Stubbornly wanting to always be right will lead to much unhappiness.

You cannot prevent all problems in marriage, however, by using these tips to more effectively manage the conflict that arises, you can lessen the effects those problems will create on your relationship.

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